Inside the conservative mind

It must be pleasant to be a conservative. Never let the facts confuse you, never worry about what to do when your precious ideology crashes into reality--just ignore the facts!

So tonight, in honor of the death of Osama bin Laden, we present to you a list of things that Conservatives know Bush had nothing to do with.

1. Failing to prevent the 2001 terrorist attacks. Bush had nothing to do with it. And he especially never told the guy who briefed him, "All right. You've covered your ass, now."

2. Letting Osama bin Laden escape from the mountains of Tora Bora.

He was strong on defense, a decisive leader. He would never do anything like this:

In retrospect, it becomes clear that the battle's underlying story is of how scant intelligence, poorly chosen allies, and dubious military tactics fumbled a golden opportunity to capture bin Laden as well as many senior Al Qaeda commanders.

3. Abu Ghraib torture. He was the Commander in Chief, but conservatives know for sure that he had nothing to do with this. We should ignore the fact that he was President: after all, he wasn't down there applying the electrodes himself, was he?

4. Lying about yellowcake from Niger. Sure it was in a speech that Bush gave, and his own people tried to take it out, but he had nothing to do with it. It came from the English or somebody. Definitely not Bush's fault.

5. Blowing Valerie Plame's cover when Joe Wilson exposed Bush's lies. Definitely not Bush's fault. Nothing to do with it. There is no way you can hold the guy at the top for every little thing that happens on his watch.

6. Deficit spending. Get this straight. Republicans are fiscally responsible, Democrats are spendthrifts. That's the way it is. Just ask any conservative.
So if there were deficits that just happened to be during Bush's term in office, he had nothing to do with them, and they were good for the economy anyway.

7. Failing to respond to Hurricane Katrina. Bush has a special affinity for the common man. Just look at all that time he spends in his pickup or on his Segway. Only a regular guy would do that. So you can be sure he did everything humanly possible to prevent any harm to New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina. Because that's what conservatives do. And we know that Brownie did a heckuva a job, and since he was working for Bush, that means Bush did a heckuva a job too, right?

And I guess that's about it . . .

No, wait, they're telling me I have time for one more.

Here's one thing that conservatives are absolutely positive Barack Obama had nothing to do with:

Finding and capturing Osama bin Laden.

This is also a moment to salute George W. Bush.

This is what you're hearing conservatives say a lot,

Posted by a friend on Facebook:

OBAMA did NOT kill Bin Laden. An American soldier, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found OBL and took him out.

A sampling of conservatives on a discussion board I frequent:

Sorry but thanks to the MILITARY.
President Obama deserves no credit.

Obama hasn't done sh*t. Bush started this War.
I am not a Bush fan but Obama deserves no credit.

God bless David Petreus Although the big earred dope will take credit for it

So Obama got him personally?
Wow that is amazing.

So if you're keeping score at home:

Anything bad that happened while Bush was president? Nothing to do with Bush.

Anything good that happened while Obama was President? Nothing to do with Obama.

The conservative brain at work.