Tuesday, April 01, 2008

BUSH RETURNED TO ACTIVE DUTY

Cross-posted from Green Mountain Daily:

In a surprising turn of events, and a dramatic confirmation of the story that cost CBS News anchor Dan Rather his job, President George W. Bush has been returned to active duty in the Texas Air National Guard. President Bush will resume his duties as an F-14 pilot, at the rank of First Lieutenant, although if he is able to meet the ANG’s stringent performance standards, he “stands an excellent chance of securing a promotion to Captain, and possibly even Major”, according to Col. Dwight Liggett, public affairs officer of the Texas Air National Guard.

Ironically, it was the Dan Rather story that brought this about. “Once the Dan Rather story came out, and we started getting FOIA requests, we started reviewing our old records,” Liggett said. “It turns out that Rather was right. Lieutenant Bush was a full year short of his commitment. The National Guard is not in the habit of wasting a million dollars plus of pilot training.”

President Bush, who will be known as “Lt. Bush” during his year of active duty, will be paid the standard lieutenant’s salary of $88,977.44, which is a cut from his Presidential salary of $400,000. Like his presidential job, though, his new job as a pilot comes with health insurance and a housing allowance; unlike his presidential job, as a National Guard pilot Lt. Bush will not have to buy his own uniforms.

It was just two weeks ago that President Bush was speaking wistfully of his wish to return to active duty, so that he could be “fighting for freedom alongside our brave men and women in Iran—I mean Iraq, ” and now it appears he will get that chance.

Col. Liggett said, “You know, even with the Dan Rather story, we might never have thought of this until he landed his plane on that flattop. He’s beyond our enlistment age limit, but he keeps himself fit and he can still stick those landings!”

It is unclear whether Bush will be able to maintain his presidential duties while on active ANG duty, and if he isn’t this will mean problems for the Republican administration, as Vice President Dick Cheney will be returning to his job as president of Halliburton. Apparently, a little-known clause in his separation agreement, tied to the value of his stop options, gives Halliburton the right to recall the Vice President if the value of his holdings goes above $1 billion; flush with profits from the Iraq war, Cheney said that "with any luck" he will reach this milestone in mid-May.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Flores Online said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

April 01, 2008 4:49 PM  
Blogger Leney said...

Haha Jack - April fools?

April 02, 2008 8:16 AM  
Anonymous Maryellen said...

Good one.

April 02, 2008 12:53 PM  

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